Monday Morning

At 30 weeks our doctors believe that the time is drawing near for us to meet Aimee and Grace. At my last appointment Dr Ogle assessed the ever-increasing amount of fluid in both sacs and kept remarking on how uncomfortable I must feel. I agreed it’s no “walk in the park” but worth it if I could keep carrying my little girls a while longer. Their heads are both down low and it feels like they enjoy kicking each other all day. 

As he looked and felt, Dr Ogle admitted he was starting to get quite concerned about the amount my uterus was stretching, putting strain on a preexisting cesarean scar. He told me he had hoped my body would start to show signs of preterm labor by now. Our bodies are capable of some incredible feats and he told me a story of a woman who had 30 liters of amniotic fluid in her uterus! His decisions, though, lie in the fact that my uterus is weak with this somewhat fresh scar and in his words “a ruptured uterus isn’t going to be good for anyone…” He told me he would confer with a few other specialists and give me their advice.

The hardest news for me to swallow was that apparently my placenta is struggling to keep up and the blood flow to one of the girls (I believe it is Aimee) is starting to lag behind meaning she is not as active or as big as she should be. Towards the end of any pregnancy the placenta is dying and I guess in my case its just happening a bit early.

Usually I feel quite calm and matter-of-fact around Dr Ogle and his team but I couldn’t help but tear up when I told him I just wasn’t ready to say goodbye to my girls yet. He understood and he said that he holds our wishes and beliefs in the highest regard when he makes his suggestions/decisions.

At this point Dr Ogle wants to help my body along by dilating my cervix and from there possibly break one of the sacs. He is hoping that this would stimulate my body into labor. The risk, however, is that my body still won’t contract or labor and giving IV medications to force contractions increases the risk of uterine rupture by 200% . This process may end in another cesarean after all.

Jeffrey and I prayed fervently last night that God would give us wisdom. We were given these little girls to love as deeply as we love Annelise and weighing up the risks for myself and for them in our decisions is so difficult. I told him that my mommy heart wants to risk and give everything to them but I know that I need to act responsibly as well because I have a husband and another little girl at home that need me.

I feel scared. Scared that something might go wrong with my body as Dr Ogle discussed all the risks and possible outcomes with me. Scared that making this choice is cutting our twins’ lives short. Scared of the emptiness I’ll feel when I’m no longer pregnant. Scared that having this happen now at 30 weeks will mean we won’t get time with them alive on this earth as we had hoped. Scared of being stuck in hospital away from my little bundle of energy Annelise. On the other hand I’m so excited to meet them, to see their little faces and bundle them up in little blankets. And despite the fears I do have peace in my heart that this is Gods timing.

My mom arrives soon, hopefully in time to be here for the whole process. I’m thankful for that. Please pray for health and safety for me and for the girls and for lots of wisdom for the doctors as they assess risks and make decisions with us. I am now scheduled to go in to start the induction on Monday morning, a process Dr Ogle said will take some time. Please pray that Annelise gets a chance to meet her sisters. She can say their names now! Pray for strength for Jeffrey as he’s finishing a long week of night shifts. Pray for God’s will to be done and for peace in our hearts. Thank you.

 

 Our latest pictures of Aimee and Grace at 29 weeks